OMM S2: Mike Haggar vs. Saxton Hale Round Two

One-Minute Melee!
Where all of life’s problems can be solved with violence!
Two fighters! Sixty seconds! And NO research!

GO!

(Mann Co.)

“Call the army! Call the air force!” The Scout screamed like a little girl as he ran for cover. “Call Saxton Hale!”

The instant the Scout was behind a large crate, a screaming Pyro was hurled over it, crashing into a wall. The Scout screamed as he pressed himself against the crate, hoping the monster wouldn’t find him.

The monster in question, as it turned out, was a bulky man with a manly mustache, with a bare chest and wearing pants held up with suspenders. The muscled powerhouse punched the Soldier in the face, grabbed him, and hurled him aside, sending the dumb mercenary crashing into the invisible Spy, who was attempting to sneak up on him.

Mike Haggar rotated his arm, looking over his shoulder to see a blonde man in a prison outfit, complete with shackles, grabbing the Engineer’s teleporter and breaking it over the Texan’s head. “Don’t hurt them too bad, Cody.” Haggar instructed. “I just need to draw out Hale, and when that happens, I need you two to keep the other mercs occupied while I fight him.”

“Hey, you invited us out here to crack a few skulls. Not that I’m complaining.” Cody gave a shrug as, in the background, a shadowed figure was seen fighting the Sniper, knocking him out with some quick moves. “Why do you want to fight this Australian guy, anyway? From what you told us about him, he was loud, obnoxious and invaded your personal space just to challenge you to a fight.”

“And now I’m returning the favour, aren’t I?” Haggar gave a smirk as the shadowed figure in the background suddenly appeared beside Cody, revealing a brunette man dressed as a ninja, but wearing a pair of loud sneakers.

“There are other ways to do this, Haggar.” Guy explained. “I know I like to reminisce about the old times where the three of us took down Mad Gear, but these mercenaries here have done nothing to us that warrants us beating them up.”

“I’m aware of that, and I’m weighed the options. Beating down on these mercs heads for a while is the best way to get Hale’s attention.”

“Does he care for the people that works for him?” Cody scratched his head. “Kind of admirable, I guess.”

“Not exactly. If he sees the work ethic go down too much, he takes things into his own hands.”

“How is there a work ethic amongst these mercenaries?” Guy asked flatly. “It’s not like they were doing anything besides trading hats when we showed up.”

Haggar stood in silence for a few seconds before awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. “He’s…Not really that bright of a guy.” He said.

“SAXTON HAAAAALE!!!”

"Right on time." Haggar said.

The three looked up and saw a shadowy figure falling from the sky, being blotted out by the sun. The figure crashed down on the ground, creating a loud and shaky earthquake upon landing. Standing straight, the newcomer revealed himself to be a familiar tall, muscular man, wearing a hat and with chest hair in the shape of Australia.

“Alright, you lousy heap of wallabies!” Saxton Hale said. “Who told you to start slacking around while on the clock? Some of you have a bomb to deliver, and the rest have a bomb to STOP!”

“It ain’t our fault, boss!” The Scout said, momentarily peeking from behind his hiding place. “Those guys just showed up and started beatin’ the crap outta us!”

Hale turned around, in the direction the Scout was pointing, and saw Haggar and his friends. A smirk quickly appeared on Hale’s face. “Oh! Look who it is! I remember you, American mayor!” He said as he made his way over. “Normally I would be perfectly willing to kick in an invader’s teeth, but seeing you here makes me realize that you’ve finally decided to take up my offer and invest in my company!”

“No.” Haggar said simply.

Hale paused, tilting his head. “Come again?”

“I said no. Mann Co is a GRAVEL company. There is NO market for gravel anyways, even if I DID have a desire to invest.” Haggar rolled his eyes. “No, the reason I’m here is because I’m wanting to challenge you to a rematch.”

Hale scoffed. “Please, you come all this way just to challenge me to a second fight?” He asked.

“You LITERALLY did the same to me when you challenged me to the FIRST.” Haggar said flatly.

Hale blinked. “…Aaaand your point?” He asked.

“Ugh. I forgot who I was talking to.” Haggar muttered.

“Are you two going to fight or what?” Guy asked, hands on his hips. “Cody and I are here to keep these mercs off you guys and there’s no point if you guys don’t start trying to kill each other.”

“Oh! Splendid idea!” Hale exclaimed, turning to face Haggar and getting into a stance. “You wish to have a rematch against me, on my home turf, even? Well, I should warn you that I’m not that same man you fought before!”

“Strange. You look just as obnoxious as ever.” Haggar said as he got into his trademark wrestling stance.

Guy sighed. “Well, at least they can get this over with and we can get back to Metro City. Some people just get off on fighting, I guess.” He said before glancing to his left. “What do you think, Cody?”

Cody currently had the Solder and Pyro in a double-headlock. He blinked a few times and looked at Guy. “You say something, Guy?” He asked.

Guy sighed and held his head in annoyance as the Heavy started sneaking up on him from behind. Without looking, Guy’s right fist lashed out and clocked the huge Russian in the jaw, causing him to spin around in a daze on one foot. The Heavy wavered around in place for a few seconds before sticking his index finger into the air.

“HEAVY IS PRETTIEST PRINCESS!”
“POOTIS!”

*THUMP*

(60 Seconds)

As the Heavy crumpled to the ground, Haggar acted first, lunging at Hale and swinging his fist, which Hal blocked by holding up both of his arms across his face. Haggar tried a couple more times but found Hale’s arms managing to hold off his attacks. Once Hale spotted an opening in Haggar’s attacks, he broke his guard and lashed out with his head, smashing it into Haggar’s forehead and making the muscular mayor stagger backwards to steady himself.

Haggar snapped to attention as Hale jumped at him, shouting a battle cry. Haggar ducked as Hale’s fist swung over him in midair, and then delivered an uppercut to the Australian’s head to counter, launching Hale into the air and back several feet. His hat somehow managing to stay on his head, Hale crashed onto the ground and promptly rolled backwards into a standing position in time to see Haggar swing another fist at him.

Thinking quickly, Hale lashed out with his own fist and smashed it into Haggar’s incoming one, blocking the blow, albeit in a way that made the two pull their hands away from each other and shake them in slight pain/annoyance. Hale acted first and swung a foot at Haggar’s chest, pushing the mustached mayor backwards and providing the Australian with an opening to continue the attack, delivering a few hard blows to Haggar’s torso.

Haggar tried to work through the pain and pushed Hale backwards, and then pulled his fists back, lashing them out at Hale’s head at once. The Australian ducked under the blow and lashed out with his foot, tripping Haggar and knocking the Metro City mayor down. Hale quickly grabbed his opponent’s legs, spun around a few times, and then hurled Haggar away with all his might, sending him crashing into the wall of a nearby building.

(50 Seconds)

Peeling himself off the wall (that looked a little caved-in, now), Haggar landed on one knee, but pushed himself up instantly and rolled forward, underneath an attempted blow from Hale. Jumping up behind the Australian, Haggar pulled his arms back and spun in place, performing his trademark Double Lariat and striking Hale in the back of the head a few times, pushing him into the wall himself. Haggar quickly took the time to grab Hale by the back of the head.

Haggar proceeded to slam Hale’s head into the side of the building several times, only letting up after the fifth time, after which he took the time to drop-kick the Australian, sending Hale sprawling, but still not enough to wipe his smirk off his face as he got to his feet.

“I see you’ve got the same edge since the last time we fought, old boy.” Hale noted rotating his head.

“You haven’t seen anything yet.” Haggar narrowed his eyes.

Hale pounded his chest and beckoned Haggar to approach, which Haggar did, leaping over the Heavy’s still-prone body to get at the insane Australian. Haggar delivered a powerful blow to Hale’s chest, but didn’t seem to do any damage, as Hale remained standing upright with his hands on his hips. Haggar tried a few more times, but when Hale took the time to laugh, preparing to taunt his opponent, Haggar clocked him in the side of the head, finally knocking him down.

While Hale was down, Haggar grabbed him by one of his legs, and then proceeded to slam him into the ground several times. When he was done, Haggar tossed the Australian into the air, reached behind his back and pulled a metal pipe into view. Rearing back, Haggar smashed the pipe into the airborne Hale’s side, striking him like a baseball and sending the Australian flying away. While Hale was flying away, Haggar suddenly noticed that he had bent his metal pipe into a ninety-degree angle during the hit. Haggar quickly bent it back into shape.

(40 Seconds)

“You’re not the only one that can wield a weapon this time, American!”

Haggar turned to look at the voice and saw Hale burst through a boulder, carrying a huge log over his shoulder. Hale swung the log like a huge club, forcing Haggar to jump to the side to avoid the blow. However, because he was taken aback by Hale’s display, Haggar stumbled a bit and Hale was able to hit him with the log. Seeing the chance to build a combo, Hale smacked Haggar around a few times with the log, swatting him aside and posing dramatically after he did.

Hale quickly received two feet to the chest. Haggar kicked off Hale’s chest with both legs, sending Hale flying over the crates the Scout was hiding behind (and forcing him to run for cover again). Brandishing his metal pipe, Haggar jumped over the crates to bring it down on Haggar’s head like the last time they fought, but Hale was quicker, holding up his hand and catching the pipe with one hand. Hale swung his log with the other hand, striking Haggar with enough force to send the mayor flying again.

Landing on his back and skidding to a halt, Haggar got to his feet to see Hale rushing him again. Realizing that his metal pipe had been knocked from his hand during Hale’s last hit, Haggar jumped backwards as Hale smashed his log into the ground, breaking it and showering both men in splinters. Haggar took it a step further by kicking at Hale’s log, puncturing it and striking the surprised Australian in the face, making him let go of the log.

As Hale staggered back, Haggar grabbed the log that was still trapping his leg and broke it in half with his bare hands. Haggar rushed the still-stunned Hale and delivered a few hard punches to his face and chest. It was unknown if Hale actually felt any of the attacks, but he was definitely starting to look annoyed, which was a win in Haggar’s books. The Metro City mayor grabbed Hale by the shoulders and drove his forehead into his opponent’s, returning the favour from earlier in the fight.

(30 Seconds)

With Hale dazed, Haggar grabbed him, turned him around and performed a piledriver, smashing Hale’s head into the ground. The Australian bounced off the ground, but managed to upright himself and land on his feet. Hale saw that Haggar was standing close to a ledge that overlooked another section of the map, so the Mann Co CEO rushed at his opponent and tackled him, sending both fighters off the ledge and falling down to the next floor.

In midair, the two men continued to clash, throwing a few punches while trying to remain on top of the tumble to avoid getting the brunt of the impact from the fall. Haggar held up his arms as Hale landed a few blows, but the Australian managed to sneak in a hit and landed a punch square in Haggar’s jaw. This provided Hale with an opening to get on top of Haggar and deliver a few more punches as they fell towards the ground.

Haggar crashed into the ground, with Hale on top of him, seeing that he was near the large opening that the BLU bomb was supposed to be deposited. Haggar pushed Hale off of him, looked down the tracks leading to the chute and saw the large bomb slowly coming towards the fight. Haggar rushed towards the bomb and grabbed hold of it, grunting as he lifted it right off the tracks, turning around and heaving the huge bomb at Hale.

Although surprised (and severely-impressed) at his opponent’s show of strength, Hale grinned, pulled a fist back and pushed the incoming bomb, launching it clear off the map, where it soared out of Mann Co grounds and exploded in midair. Although he was proud at the display, Hale wasn’t prepared for Haggar to run into his elbow first while he was distracted, following with another Double Lariat that knocked Hale senseless a few times.

(20 Seconds)

With Hale stunned, Haggar rushed him and forced him into a wall, smashing him in the face a few times without giving the Australian a chance to counter. After a few more blows, Haggar jumped into the air and kicked off Hale’s chest with both feet, knocking Hale into the wall with enough force to cave it in slightly. As Hale collapsed to his knees, Haggar grabbed him and drove a knee into his stomach.

While Haggar was close, however, Hale sprung to life and grabbed hold on Haggar with both arms. Pulling Haggar close to the ground, Haggar kicked him in the face, knocking him back up again, and Hale followed up with a roundhouse, clocking Haggar in the side of the head and knocking him aside. Hale took the time to adjust his hat as he rushed Haggar again, kicking him from behind and knocking him onto the tracks.

Haggar, not one to take things lying down, lashed out with a foot while he was on the ground, kicking Hale in the leg and taking his foot out from under him. As Hale toppled over, Haggar jumped to his feet, put his hands together to form one big fist and swung with all his might, striking Hale under the chin and knocking the Australian man into the air for a few seconds, crashing hard onto his back.

By now, you could tell that both men were starting to look fatigued, but still willing to continue the fight. Hale rotated his arm as Haggar cracked his knuckles before the two rushed each other again, swinging their fists in an attempt to land a hit and hopefully open up a way to finish the fight. The two traded blows a few times, and it looked like the fight could, even now, still end either way with no clear winner…

(10 Seconds)

Hale struck a blow off Haggar’s face, and then drove his other fist into his opponent’s stomach. Haggar hunched over in pain, providing Hale with the chance to deliver a powerful uppercut, launching Haggar backwards towards the bomb chute at the end of the tracks. Haggar landed flat on his back as Hale approached again, but the Metro City Mayor was on his feet in time to block an attempted punch from Hale.

Now it was Haggar’s turn to be on the offensive, striking Hale square in the jaw with his free hand, forcing the Australian to back away from him. With Hale distracted, Haggar struck him in the face with his knee, following up with a kick right afterwards. Hale, his face numbing slightly, blindly swung at Haggar, but the American dodged the blow, leaving Hale open for another knee to the stomach, making him collapse onto his hands.

(5…)

Haggar grabbed Hale and hauled him to his feet.

(4…)

Hale stood in a daze as Haggar punched him in the face a few more times.

(3…)

Haggar grabbed hold of Hale by the shoulders and rushed towards the bomb chute.

(2…)

Running to the edge of the chute, Haggar jumped, taking Hale with him.

(1…)

The two men fell headlong down into the chute, something usually meant for bombs…

*KA-BOOM!*

KO!

The area around the chute exploded in a pillar of fire, destroying the ground and tracks and covering the area in debris. Guy and Cody were seen running over to the wreck, looking around for any signs of the two.

“Do you see him?” Cody asked.

Guy glanced upwards. “Um…There he is.” He said, pointing upwards.

Cody looked up in time to see a shadowed figure falling from the sky, landing on his feet with a loud thud. Standing up straight, the figure revealed themselves as Haggar, his serious face lit up in the still-burning fire behind him. Hale’s very-unconscious body crashed onto the ground face-down beside Haggar, prompting the Metro City Mayor to triumphantly place a foot on Hale’s back for a pose.

Cody scratched his head. “I don’t remember him being this much of a showoff.” He noted.

Guy chose to ignore his friend and walked over to Hale’s body, experimentally tapping it with his foot. “Looks like he’s out like a light, Haggar.” He noted. “I have…NO idea what you two just did, but in the future I would really appreciate it if you would NOT do things like that.”

Haggar brushed himself off. “I make no promises.” He chuckled. “Hmm. He may be loud, dim and obnoxious, but he’s got a tendency to give me a really good fight.”

“So us coming here was literally just to satiate your desire for a good fight.” Guy stared flatly.

“Of course not, but it was a good incentive. Like I told you two, I wanted to return the favour to him from last time. He invaded MY space to challenge me, so I do the same to him and we’ll call it even.” Haggar shrugged.

“You kinda did a number on him, though.” Cody pointed out. “He’s probably going to be wanting another rematch when he wakes up, especially since you beat him on his home turf.”

“I agree, Cody. I foresee him taking this as a huge blow to his ego.” Guy folded his arms.

Haggar gave a shrug. “I’ve already beaten him twice. Hopefully in the future he’ll be smart enough not to challenge me.” He said. “Well, I’ve got what I came for. You boys ready to head back to Metro City?”

“Already? I was having fun cracking those mercs’ skulls.” Cody lamented.

Hearing a loud noise coming from behind them, the three turned around and saw that all of the mercs from both RED and BLU were standing there, some determined and others terrified but all ready for a fight.

“That man just beat Saxton Hale!” The Soldier shouted. “We must avenge his honour!”

“I’m just doing it because we won’t get paid if he dies.” The Spy rolled his eyes.

The Demoman took a drink from his bottle of scrumpy before raising Eyelander. “Let’s kill ‘em, lads! Me sword demands heads!” He shouted.

Haggar gave a smirk and cracked his knuckles. “I suppose a few more fights wouldn’t hurt.” He said as he and Cody got into their stances.

Guy sighed in hopelessness as he got into a stance as well. “Rina’s going to kill me for being this late…” He muttered.

The small army of mercs let out battlecries as they rushed forward. Haggar, Cody and Guy rushed forward as well, towards the wall of mercenaries to continue the fight.

This melee’s winner is…

MIKE HAGGAR